Welcome 2008...

Today is the last day in year 2007...The year where i started to see and realise my own strength...the year where half of it is very good whilst the other half is just so so...the year where i'm so glad to be myself no matter what..the year where i owned a few precious things and happy with my choices...

As i tried very hard to sleep last nite, i list down things that i think i need to do and accomplish in year 2008...and my final 3 are:-

(1) to lose min 5kg @ max 10kg of my current weight of 52kg now. how?

- eat balanced diet i.e no red meat, less rice n white bread & more fruits,vegi & plain water

- exercise regularly i.e more tennis, futsal, jogging,sit-up sessions.

- sleep well and be happy

(2) to read more books but not love story please...books related to my work meaning more of Kaplan & Norton's, Kellog's,blue ocean's, Potter's etc...why? so that i can easily finish all the tasks my boss gave me...meaning more time to relax kan...

(3) to stay focus at watever i do...no more hanky panky bussiness...why? so that i'll enjoy myself more at watever i do and enjoy the moment...

i hope this coming 2008 will bring more joy n happiness to me and people around me...i pray that all my family n friends wishes will come true...and i pray harder that my own wishes will come true ;)

my 2008 organizer...

i am tired...

i am tired of watching tv...
i am tired of laying on my sofa...
i am tired of surfing the internet...
i am tired of driving to work...
i am tired of sitting down..
i am tired of walking around...
i am tired of reading everything...
i am tired of everyone is leaving...
i am tired of being alone...
i am tired of feeling bored...
but most of all...
i am tired of hoping for YOU!

farewell poem to my dear friends who left and will leave me...

They came into your life with a big wide smile and a sincere hello…
They fill your everyday life with laughter and a story of their own…
They are the reason for you to come to work though they are not related to your work…
They are the first person you call once you arrived at the office and the last one when you leave…
You did not invite them into your life but still they came…
You did not want them to leave you but still they go…
It’s so hard to say goodbye to a very dear friends…
Friends who you know will always be there for you for better or worse…
Friends who will be happy with you and cry together…
Friends who look after you like sisters and brothers…
But nothing lasts forever…
That’s something I must admit…
For you my dearest friends…
I wish you the best of luck…
Whether near or far…
I am glad to be part of your life as you are in mine…
Sweet memories of us I’ll always remember and cherish…
Do keep in touch as I still want you to attend my wedding reception…
Though I don’t know when...
Miss you always I will….

khas buat temanku bunda...

bunda...
saat sah kau menjadi isteri, kau impikan dia...
sebagai bukti cinta utuh antara kau dan arjuna...
kau dapati dia namun dirimu sekadar persinggahan padanya...

bunda...
walau sedetik kehadirannya dalam dirimu...
namun kehilangannya bisa mengalirkan butir-butir jernih dari matamu...

bunda...
walau payah untuk kau harungi harimu dengan dia dekat denganmu...
namun lagi getir hari-hari yang kau lalui di saat dia di jauhkan dari jasadmu...

bunda...
kutahu ku tak bisa mengerti hiba dan sendumu...
kerana aku tidak memikul beban di bahumu...
namun ku mahu kau sentiasa tahu...
hadirku dalam hidupmu bukan sekadar teman di saat ketawa bertamu...
namun jua di saat sedih mencengkam di kalbu...

cekalkanlah hatimu bunda...
mungkin kehilangannya hanya sementara...
bakal diganti khabar yang lebih gembira...

bunda...
kutahu kau cuba sembunyikan duka...
alirkan mutiara dari matamu jika kau suka...
akan kusapu dengan jari jemariku yang setia...
dan kemudian kita sama-sama berdoa...
semoga Allah ubatkan luka...
dan tabahkan hatimu sentiasa...
Amin...

saya menulis puisi ini khas untuk teman saya...
be strong girl...very strong...i love you and always be there for you...

tentang dia...

Betapa bertuahnya seseorang itu apabila dia tahu apa yang diingini dan mempunyai cukup waktu untuk memiliki dan menikmati apa yang diingini berbanding seseorang yang tidak pasti apa yang hatinya hajati dan tidak cukup ruang waktu untuk mendapatinya.

Itulah apa yang boleh disimpulkan oleh saya setelah menonton sambil menitiskan airmata dvd ‘TENTANG DIA’. Menarik dan betul-betul membuai perasaan.

Filem ini membuatkan saya menangis di penghujung jalan ceritanya kerana ia mengajak saya bertanya pada diri sendiri apa sebenarnya yang saya cari dalam hidup saya ini dan adakah saya menggunakan sepenuhnya ruang masa yang saya ada untuk mengertikan keinginan saya.

Mungkin saya masih lagi ragu-ragu tentang keinginan hati kerana sendiri pun belum pasti apa yang dihajati.

Since I cannot predict future…
Since I am not sure with my own desire…
Since it’s still blurring in my mind about my own need…
There is nothing much for me to do…
Accept pray to ALLAH…

in between...

We already in the mid of December which mean that there are only a couple of weeks left between us and 2008…I’ve been counting what have I achieved so far in 2007…nothing much actually but I still really proud of myself…but that are all in the past & for me what really matter now is what I want to accomplish in 2008. As I am still blur with I want, I left it blank first for the time being but will try to list it down before 12:00 midnight, 31 Dec 2007.

2007 is very interesting year for me. I’ve done a lot of things that I never thought I will do before. I lost and gained new friends. I still maintaining friends that mean so much to me. Meeting and dating a few good guys but still searching for the ONE. It seems that I still have problem to maintain my relationship with the opposite sex so I will not stop trying :) My relationship with my boss and colleagues are superb. We are more like one big family than just plain officemates.

Me as myself, I just found out that I am mentally unstable, have problem with commitment and trust issue and still cannot forget HIM actually thou I act like I already put him behind. I am also still confused whether the ONE I am looking for is Mr. Right or Mr. Right now. So should I put this as my priority for next year resolution? Hmmm… I need to analyze first.

As what I usually do every year, I will still list down my New Year resolution even though I know I will never accomplish all of it. But still I will do what I feel like doing in my own sweet time. Because I love my life so much and I don’t want to waste it. I’ll enjoy every moment of it with everyone I love. So, write down what you feel like doing as your New Year resolution but don’t think too much about it, just enjoy every moment of your time in 2008. Cos you will never turn back time…

confused?

Sometimes even me myself didn’t recognize my own desire and need…
Sometimes I thought I know what I want until something happened and make me realized how I am so wrong about it…
Sometimes I thought I really love something so much and cannot live without it but when I did lose it, I feel nothing at all…
Sometimes I thought I couldn’t care less about something but when finally it was taken away from me, I was so miserable and lost…
Sometimes I just don’t want to know about it…
Sometimes I want to know all about it…
Sometimes I am just so tired to even think about it…
Sometimes I just want to lie quietly on my bed and tug my blanket and sleep soundly…
Sometimes I want to jump out of my bed and start running away from everything….
Sometimes I just want time to stop for a little while because it’s running so fast…
But…
Every time and all the time I never want to be anyone else but myself…

friends..

Friends…
Sometimes I do question myself how I end up being a friend to someone that’s so different from myself…what make I still holding on to our friendship? Sometimes I just don’t have the answer…so I just let it be… maybe sometimes we need someone who is so different from ourselves so we can balance our lives…I don’t know, I just guessing … but I like being friend with all kind of people…I don’t judge them with what they got in their wallet or wardrobe but what they got in their heart n mind…so far, I like what I found…

Buddy…
This is someone that I can share everything and anything with… and I’ll always stick to one at a time only…this is someone who's so close to me either physically or emotionally…I’ll treat her like a family cos she is a family to me…someone that I trust n never betray me…and I also do the same to her…maybe we share some interests but not all…maybe we spend most of our time together but not all the time…someone that I’ll feel comfortable with even when we sit by each other side without any word utter from our mouth…and I valued what I got now…

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.
~Douglas Pagels

My heart says….

It’s not that I don’t want to fall in love again…

But my heart says not just yet…

It’s not that I don’t want to forget u up till now….

But my heart says not just yet…

It’s not that I don’t want to trust men once more…

But my heart says not just yet…

It’s not that I don’t give chance to others anymore…

But my heart says not just yet…

What am I supposed to do when my heart says not just yet?

sarra~9:23pm,5/12/07

Infatuation....

Baby, I don’t want to spend my life on trial

For something that I did not do

Maybe if you stopped and looked around some time

I wouldn’t pass right by you

Maybe it’s because you are so insecure

Maybe you plain don’t care

Maybe it’s the chase that really gets me off

Don't force it when it’s just not there

Burn another bridge, break another heart

Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation

Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me

It’s such a shame that you shot me down

It would have been nice to be around

I’m touching your skin

If it’s only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?

I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

Try to put my finger on what burns me up

It always seems to escape me

When you have decided that you’ve had enough

Just tell me where I need to be

Now I'm facing something that I never had

To ever deal with before

She left me with the feeling that she’d had enough

And I’m the one wanting more

Burn another bridge, break another heart

Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation

Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me

It’s such a shame that you shot me down

It would have been nice to be around

I’m touching your skin

If it’s only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?

And I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

I’m so attracted to you

The feeling’s mutual too

I get scared the moment you leave

Get so hot I forget to breathe, yeh

Infatuation

Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me

It’s such a shame that you shot me down

Would have been nice to be around

I’m touching your skin

If it’s only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?

And I guess this must be infatuation

is it...

is it possible to love again?
when there's no more love to share...
is it possible to trust again?
when trust is no where to find...
is it possible to enjoy life again?
when misery is always by my side...
is it possible to give hope again?
when i'm tired of waiting...

Mein Haus...

As promised, pictures of my almost furnished apartment.

Venue: SuRia SuBaNG aPaRTMeNT

CoNCePT/THeMe: CLaSSY ZeN

My living room

Mirror...mirror on the wall...

My master Bedroom

coming home...

when u coming back home again...

u will definitely change every plan i'd make...

u will surely change all the feeling i kept inside me...
for a day i spend with you...
for an hour i accompany you...
for a minute i wait for you...
as this is the longest time we ever apart...
i'm not sure what to expect from the meeting...
so, until the time we finally set our eyes with each other again...
until the tentative become confirmed...
what i would do is just wait, patiently....