My treasure...

i'll be celebrating my parent's 28th anniversary this coming Saturday in Cameron Highlands... after 2 months since the last time i hugged my mama, i'll be seeing her n abah & also the new ummi n bapak to be (my bro&sis in law) & not to forget my youngest bro, adik...for now til next monday, i'm the happiest daughter n sis in the world...

i love my family so much...no words can describe it best how much i love them all...i treasure every moment i spend wif them...as i always say, they are my source of strength for me to stand and survive in this world...doesnt matter how far the distance that separate us all, we always be near wif each others in our hearts...

i am so glad n thankful to Allah for this...to have one happy family...to have mum n dad like my parent, lil bro like angah n adik n also our newest member in the family, adik iparku yg membawa sunshine ke dalam hidup angah,wanie...thanks dear...with the sweetest smile, we welcome u to our family...

i am a very simple girl with a very simple dream to have my own happy family like my parent...but sometimes to get or own something simple can be very complicated process/phase...for now, what i would do is pray to Allah that one day my dream will come true...n also like what i always say, i dont wanna rush anything...i just take a step at a time...hope not to fall or stumble again...but i know, if i do fall or stumble, i will always have my family kan... :)

to mama & abah, Happy 28th anniversary...

*b'cos of u, i'm here*

*i will always be ur little girl*

*i love u now, always & forever*

I'm happy...

I'm happy...

When my alarm clock wake me up at 6.30am this morning...
I'm happy...
When i saw the sunrise from my window this morning...
I'm happy...
when i felt the morning breeze on my face this morning...
I'm happy...
When the first drop of cold water from the shower touched my skin this morning...
I'm happy...
When i get dressed this morning...
I'm happy...
When i walked to my car this morning...
I'm happy...
When i drank my teh tarik n eat my capati this morning...
I'm happy...
when i pulled out my chair and placed my laptop on my workstation this morning...
I'm happy...
when i'm doing my unfinished work this morning...
I'm happy and i cant stop smiling...
I cant stop smiling cos i'm happy...
I'm happy cos i choose to be happy this morning...
And I choose to be happy because of "U"...

You Are My Sunshine...

You Are My Sunshine My only sunshine.

You make me happy When skies are grey.

You'll never know, dear, How much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away

The other nite, dear, As I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms.

When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

And I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine, My only sunshine.

You make me happy When skies are grey.

You'll never know, dear, How much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

I'll always love you And make you happy

If you will only say the same But if you leave me

To love another You'll regret it all some day;

You told me once, dear You really loved me

And no one else could come between

But now you've left me And love another

You have shattered all my dreams...

~~~~~~~~~~

This song is among a million songs i sang during my kindergarden time...with my cute pony tails and holding hands with my classmates i will loudly sing this song together with the minus one my teacher played on the casette player...those days...those happy moments i had as a six years old girl...

At that time...

The only problem i had is how to sneek out from my house to meet my friends at the playground...

the only person i hope for to spend my time with is a girl called Barbie...

The future for me is primary school...

The guy i fall in love with is the characters of Silverbird...

The amount of money that can satisfied me is RM1 to buy ice-cream conetto...

Kuala Lumpur is a place far far away from home...

But...

one thing that never change is...

my parent is still my world, my everything....the source of my strength...

i miss my kindergarden time...miss the song also...

Are you ok if...

Are you ok if...
carefully you give your fragile heart to him but carelessly he broke it without bother to apologise...
Are you ok if...
u rarely trust people but for him u make an exception; but under your nose he keep on lying without even feeling guilty at all...
Are you ok if...
you dont give hope about your relationship with him but he calls u non stop, smses ur 247, care for you, sends you a bouquet of your favorite flowers but once you shows sign of falling for him, he stops doing it at once...
Are you ok if...
when u speak wih other guys he feels jealous but dont say a word about it...but you know that he's jealous and when he speaks with other girls and you tell him that you are jealous; he told u non of your business...
Are you ok if...
when you told him that you like him, he just smile...
when you told him that you miss him, he just smile...
when you want to run away, he chase you back...
when you chase him, he runs away...
when u stay still, he do too...
Are you ok?
I am not ok!

~sarra,5.59pm~

Dreams...

Oh my life is changing everyday

in every possible way

And oh my dreams

it's never quite as it seems

Never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before

But now I'm feeling it even more

Because it came from me

Then I open up and see

The person falling here is me

A different way to be

I want more,

impossible to ignore

Impossible to ignore

And they'll come true

impossible not to do

Impossible not to do

And now I tell you openly

You have my heart so don't hurt me

You’re what I couldn't find

A totally amazing mind

So understanding and so kind

You're everything to me

Oh my life is changing everyday

In every possible way

And oh my dreams

it's never quite as it seems'

cause you're a dream to me

Dream to me

~Dreams by Cranberries~

as i can remember, i always lurve this song...during my "U" time, i will hummed this song as i was walking to my class...sometimes together wif my girlfriends or sometimes just by myself...i dun really like cranberries actually but i do admire this song, the lyric, the melody..everything lah...n now something happened and has reminded me back of this song...every single words in the song...mcm kene jer...so, does it mean that i need to stop dreaming? hmmmm...i dun think so :) no harm kan kalau kiter just dream jer... until i meet something real, i will always be a dreamer...

Dreaming is an act of pure imagination, attesting in all men a creative power, which if it were available in waking, would make every man a Dante or Shakespeare. ~H.F. Hedge

What's your story?

Everybody have their own story, so what' yours?

Your happy ending might be the sad ending for others

and also your sad ending might be the happy ending for others...

you are the writer of your own story...

the choice is yours...

for u can choose between good or bad...

angel or evil...

black or white...

happy or misery

rose or tulip...

coffee, tea or me? :)

Re-arrange my life….

I’m wearing pink today…not black, gray, brown or other gloomy colors… as started from today I want to fully re-arrange my life…I want to completely utilize my precious life… no more thinking about unnecessary matters…no more hoping for something unrealistic… no more crying for my hurtful past memories…I just want to enjoy my life, with whatever I owned, whoever I loved and loved me back and wherever I belong to…
Finally I managed to settle my financial difficulties… at last…my mum is the first person I eager to tell about it…she’s so proud of me…thank mama for trusting me…And now I cant hardly wait to move in to my new nest, a place I can call my own, mi casa…mein Haus…Ich liebe dich, mein Haus… my new obsession…so now i can really start a new brand of ME!

Scent of flowers...

enuf of weeping and crying...as now i'm trying my very hard to be ok n to seek for my happiness...

but i need to take the baby step first as i dont want to fall hardly if i'm rushing...the easiest way to cheer me up rite now is a bouquet of flowers...for me flowers can bring the simplest joy in any heart...firstly for sure, it can make us smile upon receiving it..then we start to smell it as it will double up the good feeling we already had...

i'm not writing this asking anybody to present me the bouquet yea..actually i just want to write about flowers and their meaning :)

ROSE: Love, passion, perfection. The rose was named for the Latin word rosa which means red. It has been a symbol of love since ancient times. Associated with the fifthteenth wedding anniversary. It is also known as the birthflower of June.

SWEET PEA: Lasting pleasure, good-bye, departure, blissful pleasure, thank you for a lovely time, I think of you. Supposedly this delicate flower was named by the poet John Keats. Associated with the thirtieth wedding anniversary. Also known as the birthflower of April.

TULIP: Perfect lover, frame, flower emblem of Holland.
TULIP, YELLOW: Hopeless love, there's sunshine in your smile.

VIOLET: Modesty, faithfulness, innocence, understated beauty. Worn by the ancient Greeks to induce sleep and to calm tempers. Associated with the fifieth wedding anniversary. Also known as the birthflower of February.

LILY: Majesty, wealth, pride, innocence, purity.

LILY, WHITE: Purity, modesty, virginity, majesty, it's heavenly to be with you. The white lily is linked to Juno, the queen of the gods in Roman mythology, by the story that while nursing her son Hercules, some excess milk fell from the sky creating the group of stars we call the Milky Way, and lilies were created from what milk fell to the earth. The Easter lily is also known as the symbol of the Virgin Mary.

LILY OF THE VALLEY: Return of happiness, purity of heart, sweetness, tears of the Virgin Mary, you've made my life complete, humility, happiness. The legend of the lily of the valley is that it sprang from Eve's tears when she was kicked out of the Garden of Eden. It is also believed that this flower protects gardens from evil spirits. Also known as the flower of May.

ORCHID: Rare beauty, love, refinement, beautiful lady, Chinese symbol for many children, mature charm, beauty, long life. Associated with twenty-eighth wedding anniversary.

PEONY: Bashfulness, shame, happy life, happy marriage, good health, prosperity. Associated with the twelfth wedding anniversary.

so which flower do u think suit u best now? for me it will always be tulip...now & forever...

What can a person do to you...

Have u ever wonder what can a person do to you? How can he or she affect your whole life and your future?
Sometimes we’ll be surprise what can a person do to us, to our life... with a simple gesture or a three letter words he/she can change everything, everything that we already planned for our life...from the first step he/she walks into our world to last step he/she takes to leave us behind...

eventhough sometimes we try to ignore the existance of this person, usually we failed doing it...we maybe keep on telling ourself that this person means nothing to us but sometimes our stubborn heart just dont listen..

we maybe say that we dont give hope for this person but usually we do..secretly do hope for him/her..

Kamu by Melly

Ku dapatkan hatimu,

seperti rencanaku dulu

Bila tak ingat akan malu,

pastinya sudahlah terjadi
Kemanapun ku pergi,

hatiku tetap dekat kamu

Sejuta hal yang membentang,

tak ‘kan ku urungkan niat cinta ini

Kamu hanyalah kamu,

yang ada di hatiku,

tak ada yang lain pun terlintas

Sesejuk embun pagi,

gambaran hati ini,

terimalah ku dengan tulusmu

Close to you...

Why do birds suddenly appear?

Everytime you are near

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky?

Everytime you walk by

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you

On the day that you were born

The angels got together and decided

To create a dream come true

So they sprinkled moondust in your hair

Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue

That is why all the girls in town

Follow you all around

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you

i'd dedicated this so to a dear friend of mine...You deserve to get all the happiness in the world cos u r very unique & special person...i'm glad to know n discover u. be strong and never give up. keep ur hope alive ( remember to read it one a day so u will finish it in 101 days)...and thank you also cos give me the chance to get to know u better and be ur friend....

I would thank you from the bottom of my heart, but for you my heart has no bottom. ~Author Unknown

Happiness is a choice not a fate...

while i was whining about my life, i had been reminded by a good friend of mine; happiness is a choice not a fate... thou i cant wholly accept it, i try very hard to take it as a challenge for me to help myself to find my own happiness... but first i think i need a clear definition of happiness at least for myself...

what is the thing that can really make me happy, that can give me the 100% happiness i'm looking for...

is it the big money and possessions i want the most?
is it the power to manipulate people i eager to have?
or is it the companionship that i'm lacking of rite now that i needed the most?

i want to be happy, really really want to be happy... i'm tired of this sadness that keep on haunting me wherever i go...

but i'm afraid of it also...i'm afraid that when i finally found the happiness that i've been looking for i will lose it.. cos i'm not good at keeping things..i keep on misplaced or lost them..so how?

oh rain..please do come down and wash away all the misery, sadness,troubles and heartache that had been hugging me all this while...let them flow away, far far away from me...

I’m Sorry Goodbye

Krisdayanti - I’m Sorry Goodbye

Sebelum bertemu denganmu hidupku bahagia
Semenjak bertemu denganmu ku makin bahagia
Semakin lama aku semakin tahu tentang engkau
Sedikit kecewa ternyata engkau tak baik
Pertama-tama semua manis yg engkau berikan
Membuat aku merasakan cinta sebenarnya
Semakin hari semakin terungkap yg sesungguhnya
Ku makin kecewa ternyata kau penuh dusta

Maafkan ku harus pergi
Ku tak suka dengan ini
Aku tak bodoh
Seperti kekasihmu yang lain
Terima kasih oh Tuhan
Kau tunjukkan siapa dia
Maaf kita putus
So thank you so much
I’m sorry, goodbye

Seribu cara kau membuaiku dengan puitis
Maybe kau lupa bahwa aku pun juga manusia
Yang punya mata, punya hati, dan perasaan

Maaf aku pergi dan takkan untukmu lagi

i suka bangat this song.dia mengajar supaya all the girls jgn membuta tuli percaya lelaki or the other way around..

in my opinion, sebelum we let ourselves falling for someone deeply, do investigate first.. when we found out something not good/negative about him(something that u cant tolerate wif), dont wait too long to dump him ok...b'cos this is our life we talking about kan...dont waste it... daripada u berendam airmata kemudian hari better not at all kan...

so pls think thoroughly before u decided to give ur heart or love to someone....n oso dont give ur heart/love 100% to them..keep some for urself...so u still have some when they run away with ur heart/love...

If only I could turn back time…

To live one life till the end without regretting anything, is it possible? Have it ever occur to you that u wish u can turn back time and change something? I do. It’s not because I regret about the decision I’d took or the way I handle things but I just want to know instead of taking the right path, what will happen if I take the left one?(end up in a drain, maybe?) What will I be doing rite now if I accept my ex-boyfriend proposal 5 years ago?(housewife, locked up in mi casa with maybe 3 kids?) Which school will I be teaching rite now if I choose to take the KPLI offer instead of staying with my current company?( got add rm1500 for allowance – teaching at rural area in S’wak @ Sabah?). Hmmm…

If only I could turn back time, I wouldn’t change a thing. I know everything happened for a reason. I do make wrong decisions, said stupid things, broke many hearts, make my mum cried but I learn a lot from it too. You can learn a lot from ur life or ur friends’ life or anyone around u. it can make u stronger n matured. Something u cannot buy with ur money.

But for now, I’m happy with my life. Yes, still got room for improvement but I don’t want to rush. I don’t need to rush actually. I just want to take a step at a time...

Why?????

Why sometimes we feel like crying thou we don’t really know why?
Why sometimes we feel like laughing n smiling thou we don’t really know why? Or actually we know why but we just in state of denial… have u ever thought of this?

I hate it…

Hate is a strong word actually for us to use or display our feeling towards something or someone. But sometimes we just couldn’t take it anymore. Like it or not we were frequently used the “word” especially in our workplace.

I hate it when there’s a lot of work need to be done in so little time but I also hate it when there’s no work to do and don’t know what else to do to kill time…

I hate it when people keep on calling me asking the same question so I pull off the phone line but I hate it the most when I called many times but no one pick up the phone…

I hate it when I need to chase other people in order to finalize my task and keep on reminding them about the dateline but I do hate it also when I’m being chase by others while I do try very hard to accomplish my report.

So what left for me to love about my workplace? Everything? Or nothing? Maybe one thing I fond of today I will not like it anymore tomorrow. Maybe the most I hate today I will love and hard to forget tomorrow. Nobody know what will happen tomorrow…

Que sera sera…
What ever will be will be…
The future is not for us to see…
Que sera sera.

Mama’s big hug…

I still remember when one night I woke up crying after I dreamt that my abah has passed away. I was 10 years old at that time and my abah had been transfer to KL. I ran to my mama bedroom and when I told her of my dream, she cried together with me and gave me big hug.

I still remember when I cried on my mama’s lap as I told her my heart broken story. I was 16 years old at that time. First time I really like someone and he end up as my best friend’s boyfriend. My one and only best friend! I cried every day for a week and every time my mama will gave me big hug, to comfort me.

I still remember when I stood in front of my house; clueless…I just went back home for my weekend holiday. I was 22 years old at that time. When my mama opened the door, what she saw first was my tears rolling on my cheeks. She didn’t ask me anything; she took me into her arms and gave me the big hug she always provide me with. I cried and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. I lost my first love, my love of 4 years. I gave him my 100% love and trust and he broke my heart. He broke my heart by not trusting me enough. And my mama as always, she gave me her big hug…

Now, I feel like crying but my mama’s big hug is far away…mama, I miss you. I want you here by my side now. I want u to know how lonely I am here without you. I still need your big hug. I need you…

I miss my mama’s big hug. If you have a mother like my mama, you know how I feel. Like best friend we can talk about everything (well…almost everything). We quarrel a lot too (mostly for my abah’s attention) but still miss each other if didn’t hear each other voice in 48 hours (check my phone bill).

But I’m a big girl, a grown up, a woman now…I must learn to walk by myself, to be independent. That’s what she always told me. Don’t depend on anyone else except yourself. If you fall or stumble, stand up and continue walking. Every experiences you collect along the way are valuable doesn’t matter good or bad.

Look mama, I’m walking. I did fell, once, twice or maybe trice, I lost count but I got up and continue my journey. I love you mama and I know you love me too but I love you more…

When baby cries…

I’m on the phone wif my friend this afternoon when suddenly I heard her baby girl cried…
So soft, so peaceful, so gentle and….so little…. I always have a soft spot for babies. They are so vulnerable as you hold them in your arms but yet still they can give u the biggest impact in your life.

Even as a single woman (love every minute of it), it did occur in my mind to adopt my own baby. I love the idea to have someone to take care to. To have someone who depends on you and adore you . But when I think about the big responsibility that I have to bear ALONE, I give myself another few years to be prepared first.

To all my dearest friends (you know who you are)…
Be patient ye…I’ll always pray for you all to have your own angel. I myself am eagerly waiting to hear your Jr. to call me auntie dear, to attend their birthday party (u dun mind kan if I come alone?), to hear you telling me about their first word, their first step and their first tooth…or even their first crush! Hmmmm.... Now i'm the one plak who sound desparate :)

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle".

(Vincent Van Gogh)

Be yourself…

“I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand
And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am”

(Real girl by Mutya Buena)

We always think that we know ourselves better than others, are we? We intend to believe that we are forever, and always ourselves isn’t it? How sure are we?

Sometimes I can sense that I’m not being myself at all (especially in front of someone I had a crush on ). I tend to try very hard to expose (?) myself, to make him notice me. I always end up doing something that he likes thou I’m not sure whether I enjoy doing it. Yet still I want him to accept me as I am. Silly me.

If you want that special someone to like you just the way you are so try very hard to be yourself whenever and wherever you are. I’m telling this to myself also as I realize how forgetful I can be sometimes.

It's so gud (and relief ) to know that he loves u just the way u are not the way he want u to be....
Oh..where are thee my Prince Charming? i'm waiting patiently for u to come and save me from this misery of loneliness....

Leaving my comfort zone….

Am I supposed to cry when I’m leaving u behind?
Am I supposed to smile to cover up the sadness I felt inside?
Am I supposed to feel ok even though I’m not?
Am I supposed to tell u how’s my feeling or just let u go without knowing it?
What am I supposed to do?

Once I’d been told…always expect the unexpected. Never take it seriously but now it will always be in my mind.

So this is my goodbye + good luck note to u my dear Boss…
I’m not sure who’s leaving actually, U or me?
But I hope for the best from both of us. Pray for me please.
I always be pampered by u before and I know this is going to change.
They said that we always take thing for granted til we lost them but u know that I always treasure u kan…

After working with u for 3 years & 10 months, I surely will miss u a lot…I mean A LOT!
I’ll make sure that nobody will replace your place in my heart. I promise.

“When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you”


(When u’r gone by Avril Lavigne)